A Look Into the Deep-Rooted Misogyny that Inspires the Skepticism of Autistic Women
It was one of the very first things said to me after coming to terms with the realization that my neurodivergency was not all ADHD. I remember being stunned, unable to answer for a moment before asking, "what do autistic people look like?"
The answer from my friend—who is still my friend and who admitted their ignorance and educated themselves greatly beyond this conversation—couldn't really explain that comment, only attempted to walk it back into "well you just don't seem that autistic to me."
It was a shocking comment to make that made me feel completely invalidated and struggling to explain myself. Still, what was said to me was mild compared to some of the more horrendous versions of the sentiment. Even worse, Amy, who works for research charity Autistica told Metro UK that she has a file from when she was six stating that she was "too pretty to be autistic." The DSM-5 lists a wealth of criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder, with absolutely none of them being in regards to physical aesthetic. While it's true some of us suffer from dyspraxia and other physical-related traits, attractiveness has no qualifier on the autism spectrum.
"You're Just Quirky!"
Ah, yes, the dreaded Q-word. Autistic women, especially, for some reason, if they are considered "conventionally attractive," are too often being overlooked or dismissed as "quirky." Whether it be characters like Jessica Day, or manic-pixie dreamgirls like Clementine Kruczynski, autistic-coded female characters are always seen by the allistic viewer as "quirky" while autistic-coded male characters, (e.g., Sheldon Cooper, Abed Nadir, Rain Man) are not only viewed as the "quintessential" idea of autism, but directly called out at times within the context of their media as possibly being on the spectrum.
When attempting to come out to my friends and family as autistic, I was met with very polarized responses. To my surprise, most of my fellow neurodivergent peers divulged they were already aware of my autism. It was my non-autistic or neurotypical friends that were resistant to the idea, having a limited understanding of how autism can present. The phenomena, I found, was that autistic and neurodivergent people are able to sense the neurodivergencies in others, while non-autistic/neurotypical people just see us as "quirky." This is entirely due to a lack of wider understanding of autism and lack of representation in the media for non-coded characters.
Women with autism, particularly those who are conventionally attractive, are often overlooked or dismissed as "just quirky" rather than being recognized for their unique and valid experiences. Why? It could be, quite simply, because our society often associates certain physical and personality traits with gender, and expects individuals to conform to these stereotypes.
For example, women are often expected to be social, empathetic, and nurturing, while men are expected to be logical, assertive, and independent. Which set of traits fits more within the standard of society's view of autism? Then, when someone who is a woman and is conventionally attractive exhibits behaviors that do not fit these stereotypes, it can be challenging for others to understand and accept her as being on the autism spectrum. Instead of recognizing her behaviors as autistic traits, it may be easier to accept the label of "quirky," or worse, some people may even view her as "faking" or "attention-seeking" because her appearance or personality does not align with their preconceived notions of what an autistic person "should" look like.
"Autism is most common in young boys."
The most recent comprehensive analysis of autism's sex ratio done in 2017 drew on data from 54 prevalence studies worldwide. That analysis previously estimated about 4.2 boys with autism for every girl. From its first clear description in 1943 by Leo Kanner, autism has been known to crop up in more boys than girls. The 2017 study revealed that the sex ratio falls to 3.25 boys per girl when the analysis includes only the 20 studies in which researchers evaluated the participants for autism, rather than relying on previous diagnoses.
Though our data is increasing in comprehensiveness every year and autism experts are creating more and more tools for identifying autism, there remains a decades-long stereotype that autism is a young boys' disorder. This stereotype affects doctors, teachers, and counselors all over the world and leads to young girls going "under the radar" and not assessed at all until adulthood, if ever, which prevents autistic girls from accessing the resources and support they need to survive and thrive.
"I think you just want attention."
I'm going to come right out and say how I feel about this one.
Why is it, that as soon as women become a part of a previously assumed "male movement" that the inquisition begins?
Let me give you an example. Bear with me.
When I was a younger millennial growing through their teens during the 10's, culture experienced a surge in what we'll call "nerd culture." Marvel had begun making comic superheroes mainstream in the movies, the video game industry was booming, and media and activities that were previously seen as "uncool" in the 90's were suddenly becoming more mainstream and okay to openly support. As a young teen raised by her father on Star Trek and Firefly, I was enthralled by a community that seemed to want to embrace new, young audiences. Hot Topic started carrying stylish Doctor Who merch, which I dragged and begged my mother for, and wore proudly accessorized by bows, handbags, and winged eyeliner.
Imagine my devaluation, then, in a Barnes and Noble in 2011. Wearing that exact outfit, perusing the YA Fantasy section, a scoff rang out next to me as a young man a few years older than me said straight to my face, "I'm so sick of seeing fake nerd girls." "What?" I replied, before being opened up to an inquisition as to whether I could name all eight doctors that pre-dated the 2005 revival.
Online, I was opened up to more hate being targeted at pretty women all over the world for supporting superheros, playing video games, or discussing anything adjacent to these mens' precious "nerd" personalities. It was always the same assumption, and always based on the person's appearances being deemed attractive to these males. I internalized this hate for a long time, and even started judging other women myself.
This same rhetoric, this exact same line of questioning has been seen across so many modern-day movements of women becoming a part of any previously deemed "male" spaces. Video games, athleticism, crimeny, even bisexuality—and now, it seems, autism, is under the assumption that women only do anything to be accepted by and "pick-me!'d" by men. And it keeps more women in the closet, afraid of the reaction to them coming out as autistic.
Why are women so much harder to see?
"Sit down."
"Be quiet."
"Smile."
When you're socialized as a young girl, whether you're autistic, neurodivergent, or not at all, you will hear these things over and over. You are taught to downplay your interests, stifle your needs, subtly behave in all the ways that fit in with societal norms and expectations. They may also be encouraged to be more socially-oriented and empathetic, which can make it harder for others to recognize the social communication challenges that often accompany autism.
Many women on the spectrum have reported that they were socialized to hide their autistic traits from a young age, often at the expense of their own mental health and well-being. For an autistic girl, this contributes to this greater idea that all autistics identify with: Masking.
What needs to change?
Lots of things.
One that we're working on, is new diagnostic criteria for autism. We still don't know when the DSM-5 will be updated again or when the DSM-6 will release, but the current DSM criteria for autism is still very much tailored to that "blueprint" male experience of autism.
With the power of the internet, autistic adults are sharing their experiences and raising awareness in a grassroots movement to help others identify their own neurodivergencies. Now, we need to translate this movement into calling for more research and studies on autism particularly in adults, adult women, but also young girls, and education of doctors, teachers, and other professionals to help diagnose girls earlier. Earlier diagnoses can help autistics not only understand themselves better and feel less alone, but help them access the resources they so desperately need.
Another thing we can do, that would endlessly benefit society in a wide variety of ways and not just this one, is break down the societal conditioning of young girls that leads to heavy masking in autistic women.
Masking is a form of behavioral conditioning, and it costs autistics their livelihood, their needs, and can cause what's known as "autistic burnout," which can even lead to PTSD. When autistics are forced to mask too much or for too long, the stress of doing so builds and builds—and when we experience even moderate stress but over a period of time, PTSD can be created. This is why it's important not only to recognize autistic traits in young girls, but break down the societal structures that force not just girls, but all children to conform to societal norms at the cost of their individuality and their needs.
Lastly, quit being misogynistic assholes. Not everything women do is for men.
Mary Dippolito is a Public and Professional Writing student at Youngstown State University. She is a dungeon master at a local tavern's TTRPG club "Westside Roll," cosplayer, possibly a time traveler, and proudly autistic.
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